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Submitted on
November 21, 2012
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Oh she's cute!
But she's fat.
Well what about him?
He has acne

Jezz, maybe her?
Do you see that? She has a bulge.
In that case, what about him?
That's... a guy? He looks like a chick!

Well, what are you into then?
Someone normal
Define normal?
Blonde, curves, huge tits, smart.
And in men?
Wait, what? Ew! Don't be crazy.

I'll pray for you.
This is revised and resubmitted from my old dA account that is no longer active

The first time this was publicized, it wasn't exactly clear on my point. So I changed the title, edited the content a tad, and I'll explain it here..

This poem is written as a conversation, italics is an unknown person who, isn't exactly clear. The normal text is another, more resolute person.

The point isn't, "Ew, Gay sex and trannies and demons are nasty" Its more of a, "Don't lie, be yourself." thing.

In my experience, I've seen so many people who flaunt that they love their own sex, simply for attention from the opposite sex, when they don't really like them at all. This poem kind of puts that into perspective. Yes, I know some people aren't 100% sure what they like and what they don't like, they're confused. I completely understand this, and I'm not ridiculing you, because that would be hypocritical of me. I was confused at one point in my life, it happens. No hard feelings, I promise. But this is for those people who sit there and put full faith into this scheme thinking it won't hurt anyone. A friend of mine and I have both been hurt and tortured because we had developed feelings for one of these people without even realizing it was just a ploy. It's not funny, so please, respect your orientation and don't flaunt it if it isn't you.
I know that there are other parts that have nothing to do with sexuality, well, there is a bit of discrimination towards anyone without even thinking of it and how it hurts them -- just like my main point at hand. Thank you, have a nice day!
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:iconmagicaljoey:
MagicalJoey Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2013   Writer
I will be critiquing this piece on behalf of
:icongrammarnazicritiques:

Firstly, your title is intriguing and makes one want to find out who the liars are and what they are lying about.

Now, the crit:
:bulletred: ST = Stanza
:bulletred: L = Line

You use italics well within this piece to define the two speakers.

While you do make a point within this piece, as explained in your comments, I feel that there should be more within the poem that the reader can grasp onto and thus not really need the information in the comments.

While you mention in the comments that you are trying to showcase those who pretend to like their own gender to attract people of the opposite gender, this is not portrayed within the piece. This piece reads as a conversation between two friends on an average day. Perhaps consider adding something at the end after ST3, something like 'I thought you were into guys', 'Never, not a chance' (or something of the like) to illustrate your point.

I am not sure about the random 'I'll pray for you' line at the end. That normally gets said by people who don't know how to handle or understand issues. It seems out of place here. What were you intending with it?

Overall:
Good grammar and punctuation
Your point could have been made clearer

:star::star::star::star-empty::star-empty:
Jo
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:iconkaixchan:
KaixChan Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm quite pleased that I stumbled upon your little corner of deviantART. Your poems are short, yet simple, and they drive the point home without saying much. I admire poets who can do such things. I'm more of a short story writer, and although my dream is to become a published novelist, my poetry is bit iffy. Perhaps it's because I never wrote many (hardly any) poems when I was younger, yet I wrote stories frantically.

My point is that you write great poetry. Truth be told, I'm a bit envious at how well it flows combined with how well you drive the point home with a few words. You're truly a talented poet if I ever saw one.

Continue writing. As a fellow writer, I can't wait to see what else you come out with.
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:iconuniquityequality:
UniquityEquality Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! It means a lot. I wrote a lot of poetry in my younger years and I even wrote some short stories. It seemed my only problem with writing stories, was that they didn't end up very short and often ended up extremely detailing and long, and I would end up losing my interest in continuing it, for whatever reason. Maybe that's why I can do short poetry so well. Who knows. But it means a lot! Thank you very much. I as well hope to become a published novelist myself! We have something in common
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:iconkaixchan:
KaixChan Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Ah, writing long stories and losing interest in them. That was something I was quite familiar with when I was younger. I wrote a 60+ page story when I was around ten or eleven years old, but I lost interest in it when I was on the 70th page or something around there. Unfortunately, I lost most of the story when I moved. However, it wasn't too huge of a loss because my understanding of spelling and grammar was quite limited back in the day. Perhaps that is the reason you can write poetry flawlessly (in my eyes), but either way, it's a great thing to read when it seems that a lot of people these days don't understand the basics of English.

You're welcome, but I only speak the truth. I'm a harsh critic when it comes to writing, and I was pleased to find some beautiful poetry such as yours. You should consider putting together a book of poetry and submitting it to a publisher. I'm sure that you'll get your stuff out there.
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:iconuniquityequality:
UniquityEquality Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I hear you on that. I had an undyingly long story written out when I was around thirteen, but I ended up losing it due to my terrible memory and my computer crashing.
Do you really think so? I've been thinking about publishing for a long time now, I'm sure I'll end up doing it eventually, but I would like to get a little more experience under my belt.
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:iconkaixchan:
KaixChan Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
My 60+ page story was written on paper, so when I moved, I left some behind by mistake. I actually never wrote on the computer until I was around sixteen or so, when I obtained my first computer. I do write on paper sometimes, but I prefer Microsoft Word to write these days.

I do. I never say things like that without meaning them. If I think something is flawed regarding writing, I'll tell the person. If I say that you should be published, I mean it. I truly believe that if you put together a book of your best work and send it off, you'll get published in a heartbeat. I'm hesitant to do the same regarding stories, because I believe I need more experience, but you? I think you're fine with the skills you have right now. More experience never hurt anyone, though. Whatever you do, continue to write. You have a gift and I'd hate to see it go to waste.
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:iconuniquityequality:
UniquityEquality Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Ah. I much prefer to take paper notes in binded notebooks and such. I've had terrible luck with computers and keeping them running. Even my online classes, I take paper notes for as well as taking electronic notes. It just seems more practical to me.
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:iconkaixchan:
KaixChan Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
That's understandable. I tend to not use paper because after writing for a bit, my hand will get cramps and it'll be painful to use it for a while (writing-wise, at least). With computers, I don't get those annoying hand cramps. If I never had them, it'd be likely I'd use paper and pen to write as well.
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:iconuniquityequality:
UniquityEquality Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I get terrible cramps in my left hand whenever I draw or write for even a short period of time. It seriously set back my drawing, as well as my writing. But I could never abandon paper
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